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Now I am quietly waiting for the catastrophe of my personality to seem beautiful again.

— Frank O’Hara
Anonymous inquires Did you go inpatient voluntarily or were you sectioned? I hope treatment helps! <3

I was sectioned about a month ago. Thank you <3

Anonymous inquires What does your treatment for your eating disorder consist of?

I am currently inpatient and have been been for almost two months. My treatment as an outpatient consisted of seeing a therapist, psychiatrist once a week or every two weeks, a dietitian every two to three weeks and my GP once every two weeks or once a month, depending on my physical condition.

Anorexia isn’t a joke. Anorexia isn’t posting pictures of girls with “thigh gaps”. Anorexia isn’t making countless text posts about how you wish you hadn’t eaten. Anorexia isn’t making hundreds of suicidal threats per month on twitter. Anorexia isn’t getting attention. Anorexia isn’t not eating. It’s funny, all the people who claim to have anorexia and saying they haven’t eaten, when truly, they’re completely full; feeding off all the attention they attract with their stunts and claims. Anorexia is an illness. Anorexia isn’t a competition of whose been in the hospital the most times. It isn’t a ticket to sympathy. It isn’t a tag on tumblr. True anorexia is a toxic, life-devouring illness. You’re starving in body but also in soul. Anorexia feeds on your heart, dreams and passion until you’re a shadow. Anorexia isn’t weighing 75 lbs. you could weigh 500 lbs and be a horrifyingly self-abusive anorexic; even more so than someone who weighs 100 lbs. It isn’t a physical condition, it’s a mental one. It’s one people don’t show; on the Internet, on their face, or in their words. It’s a haunting, consuming ILLNESS. Not a phase, fad or fashion.”

(via delilah-demonika)

(via le-vide)

Anonymous inquires Hello lovely! Have you gotten your exam results back yet? I'm sure you did splendidly :) Much love x

Hey :) Yes, I got them back today. Thank you and much love to you too x

Anonymous inquires With which weight would I be hospitalised? I read somewhere that it is below 16.5 but I was wondering whether you know an exact BMI?

I am not in a position to give you any medical advice on this so you would have to discuss it with a doctor. However, as far as I am aware, reasons for hospitalisation are not necessarily only based on a specific BMI but also on your general medical condition, as symptoms and complications can be of varying severity for each person at a different weight.

Anonymous inquires Happy birthday lovely! I hope you have a wonderful, happy and healthy year and that we'll be seeing much more of your smile <3

Thank you very much for this lovely message <3 

My brother killed himself
on the twenty-eighth Thursday of last year
and I missed four days of work
and my mom wanted to know ‘Why’.
My brother
he was always a fan of beauty
but what he did
was not beautiful at all.

And last week I got the news
that one of my good friends from high school
had overdosed
except this time
she’d gone too far
and now she was gone.
And I had a hard time falling asleep at night
and her mother
hugged me tight
and thanked me for coming to the service
but I did not
want to be there at all.
This is not

The girl down the street
would’ve turned 21 last year
and I can scarcely imagine
the wild times she would’ve
But she is buried six feet deep
after falling nearly 300
and she did not leave a note.
This is not

My freshman year of college
and my roommate was beautiful
and how I wanted to be just like her.
But she wore herself down
till she was
almost invisible
and if you blinked
you had to go and find her all over again.
So now her parents are no longer supporting her college tuition
but are paying her hospital bills
watching their daughter crumble.
This is not

So y’all can take your narcissistic
and glamorizing
of self harm and eating disorders and committing suicide
and shove them as far up your ass
as you possibly can.
Starvation is not beautiful.
Killing yourself is not beautiful.
is not beautiful.
This note I am writing
is not beautiful.

But you
you are beautiful
and it’s about damn time you start believing it.

(via runiqu)

(via encryptions)